Free Writing

things to do list blog writing a book communication freedom listening to the radio while working need to write feel 20 minutes is a long time! The voice in my head is always so negative that I have no confidence. So why do people believe in me and what I have to say? I will never understand people because I do not think like other people. I bet everyone thinks that same exact thought, LOL! I hate texting shortcuts, why did I just use one? Am I trying to conform? I don’t think I will ever conform completely. Isn’t that an oxymoron? This is not easy. And yet I make my students do this all the time. At least I give them a topic to write about. What are some of the topics that I want to write about? I want to write both fiction and non-fiction. “They” say to use your own experiences when you are writing. I have many things to draw from: love, children, divorce, marriage, teaching, life experiences. I have a running list of book titles that I think would be good, but when I sit down to write what I believe will be an entire book , I find that all that ends up on the page is a paragraph or two at the most. That can be extremely frustrating. I think that the way Author Khaled Hosseini, said it in, “How to Write,” the Atlantic is so true! By the time all of the writing passes through all of your mental filters, what you truly had to say can be lost. Free-writing is a difficult task but write for the freedom that it gives me. Unfortunately, I spend so much time trying to make everything that I write as perfect as I can make it that I end up only writing a little bit each day. I feel like Hemingway, it takes me all day to write one sentence. Okay, that is a slight exaggeration, but I feel like that is how I am. I agonize over what I want to say and if I am saying it correctly, or writing it correctly. Does it convey the real meaning of what I am trying to get across? Why do I feel like other people can say it better than I can? Why is it that when I am trying to tell a story, or retell a story, that I forget some of the important details? Is that normal? I am truly running out of things to write about and my mind is wandering. I am thinking about how hungry I am right now and how difficult it is to concentrate when you are hungry, but if I weren’t hungry I am sure my mind would wander anyway, to the things that I need to get done for the day. Work. The actual paying kind of work. My job. Free writing sounds so funny! I guess in a sense it is free. I am not charging anyone for this. I am writing for free. Tap tap tap I am running out of things to say even in my stream of consciousness. Is that even possible? I wonder if everyone is having this same problem? I wonder if they are going to post it these on their own blogs. I am not sure if I will or not. I am too scared to do that. Chicken. Yes, I am a chicken. A big chicken, dressed up as a human.  Don’t forget to tag your post and choose a category. The teacher, or mother, in me always shines through. Well, here goes. I’m going to hit the publish button right now.

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