First, I would like to apologize for not writing in a while. I just haven’t felt up to it lately.
I hate this time of year. A bold statement, I know. There is something about the holiday season that always brings me down. It usually starts in mid-November, when all the hullabaloo over holiday shopping begins. This year, the commercialization of the holidays began right around the beginning of September and has not let up. I am so sick of it. I am sick of Thanksgiving turning into the new Black Friday. I am sick of the media hyping who will be open when. I am sick of wondering if I will have enough money to buy decent gifts this year. I am just plain sick of it all. The closer Christmas gets, the less happy I become. I put on a happy face for my kids, but my husband knows that I am not in the mood. By the time Christmas day actually arrives, I am just so overwhelmed with all the commercialization that has been pushed in my face, that I usually just shut myself in my room for a little while after the little ones have opened their gifts. Sometimes I wonder if I have ADHD or SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder).
Last year we didn’t decorate very much and decided not to even put the tree up; consequently, the entire family felt more relaxed, even the younger children. I think that part of the problem stems from the fact that my mother always went over-the-top with Christmas. It may have just seemed like a huge pile of gifts because I was small, but I think it actually was. I feel as though I cannot give my children the same amount of gifts, and therefore feel like I am not doing enough. We don’t have a huge feast. We don’t have family and friends over. We don’t even go anywhere. The younger children actually get 3 Christmases because they go from my house to their father’s house, then to their grandmother’s house. I guess this makes up for the fact that I can’t give them the number of gifts I got as a child, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better.
Oh well, it’s almost over for this year. Seventeen days and counting.