A Loss (Part 3 of 3)

Love_Hearts

Today’s challenge is to write generally about “lost and found” and/or continue on with the loss theme.

I have been married three times. I find it hard to believe myself sometimes, but that is the hard truth of it.

The first time I married I was only 25 years old. I say only 25 years old because I found that I changed tremendously during my 20’s, so much so that I had completely different wants, needs, and desires by the time I turned thirty. I was young and didn’t think I wanted children, and so, I married a man who also didn’t want children. I was wrong. By the time I turned 30, I realized something was missing in my life and it was children. It is strange how the tick of that biological clock suddenly becomes an alarming thump. He still didn’t want children, but that was okay, because I found that I really didn’t want to have his children anyway. A harsh truth. I had changed so much that I didn’t even really like this guy very much anymore. I really don’t know what happened or why, but we divorced amicably and that was that. My first serious relationship loss.

I remarried again about three years later, to a wonderful man who was sweet, generous, and loving. We had two beautiful children together and he is a great father. But, he didn’t like getting up in the middle of the night with the children when they were babies. I worked second shift and it wasn’t easy for me to continually get up during the night and then get up at five or six in the morning when the baby woke up for the day. It became a grueling routine for me and I became angry, lonely, and depressed. Somehow, we managed to have another baby, but the routine started all over again. We were growing apart and I was growing angrier and angrier. We separated and divorced and it was horrible, ugly, and filled with anger and mistrust. This was my second relationship loss. Luckily, the one thing we did agree upon was that we would get along when we were together with the children, and that worked out very well. We actually have become very close friends and both feel that we get along better now than we did when we were married.

I remarried for the third time about two years after that divorce. I have finally found the perfect man who loves me for who I am, who lets me be me, and who loves my children unconditionally. He allows me to explore different facets of myself without question. He takes care of all of us, as well as his own children, without a fuss, without blinking an eye. He is generous, loving, sweet, kind, I could go on and on. He even gets along with my second husband. What more could I ask for?

So, after two marriages where I lost myself and the relationship, I have finally found myself and the love of my life. AMEN!

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A Loss (Post 1 of 3)

Green_Tree

Recently my uncle passes away. We were not necessarily very close and I had not seen him in years because the family has spread out all over the United States, literally from coast to coast. And even though I have not seen my cousins, aunts, and uncles in many years, we stay in touch and keep each other up-to-date through Facebook.

I was not able to attend the funeral because of the short notice and the location and I was disappointed. I realized how old we are all getting as a family, and it occurred to me that this was the first set of my cousins to have lost both of their parents–my aunt, had passed away almost 12 years earlier. This realization hit me pretty hard. What if it had been my mother or father, or both? I started to really think about the fact that my parents are aging, whether I recognize it or not. I may still see them in the same way that I always have, and they may still see me like a child, but the reality is that we are all getting older and I need to start preparing for the eventuality that my parents will be gone someday. I didn’t like this feeling one bit.

The saying goes that when someone dies a new life begins, and I can say that this has brought new life to me. It spurred me to continue with a family genealogy project I started many years ago.  I have been working on this project again, little by little, over the last several months and have expanded it to over 500 people. I have connected my family tree to other trees within the network and have found more information on-line than ever before. So, while the family suffered a loss, working on the family genealogy has given me a sense of purpose, a new appreciation for life, and a new appreciation for my family.