No Apologies

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I’m sorry I haven’t written lately, sort of. Sometimes I just feel as though I don’t have anything that is important enough to write.

The hustle and bustle of the holidays are finally behind me and I can get back to some sort of normalcy, if there even is such a thing as normalcy. What a funny sounding word “normalcy” is? Life is like a unicorn, you think you’ve seen one but then you turn around and realize it wasn’t what you thought it was. That is the way normalcy is. You think you have some semblance of it in your life, but when you turn around, you realize that your life is just as crazy as ever.

I have been working really hard on writing my book, getting the final press proofs of my mother’s book (Boohoo for Pluto) finalized, and getting the Spanish version of the book (Pobrecito Pluton) to press. All of that as well as Christmas shopping and wrapping, a trip to Texas to see my little sister graduate from college, and going into work every day. Oh yeah, I’ve also had the flu and a cold.

So, no more complaining or apologizing. I am starting the year fresh and will try to write at least two times a week from now on. As long as I can think of something earth-shattering to write about 🙂

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Second Verse Same as the First

 

 

I hate computers. I hate moving. I hate moving computers. The irony is that I need computers to do my job, and if there weren’t any computers, I wouldn’t have a job.

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The long and the short of it is that I have been moving computers and servers for the last several weeks, hence the reason for my absence.

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I have missed writing and haven’t even had time to record my thoughts on a digital recorder. It has been insanely crazy and hectic and I just don’t like that feeling of disorientation and disorganization. I hope that I still have some readers.

Maybe You Will Finally Have Found Peace

I was going to write about the first day of school and all of that nonsense, but there were too many thoughts running through my head. This was before the news that Robin Williams had died at age 63, most likely from suicide. I will write that post about school another day.

Right now I am so devastated by the loss of Robin Williams that I cannot think straight. I didn’t even know the man, but I grew up with him–his humor, his quick wit–watching him on TV and in movies and comedy specials. I knew he had depression, most comedians do, but I did not know that he had relapsed.

You may not believe this, but I suffer from depression as well. It is well under control now and has been for years, but sometimes I will have a down day here and there. Those days come along without warning and are difficult to explain to other people. If you’ve never been depressed then you won’t understand. When a person is depressed they are in a dark place that no one can pull them out of, but talking to them does help. Just knowing that there is someone there for you, someone who may not completely understand what you are going through but who cares enough to just sit next to you in silence, to hold your hand, or to listen. 

People who have never suffered from depression cannot understand why you can’t just snap out of it, and it is difficult to explain to them that you are not doing this for attention, that it is a physical ailment–just like having the flu–caused by chemicals that have gone awry in your brain, chemicals or hormones or whatever that gang up on you and create this behavior and that it is beyond your control. When I am depressed I cannot remember what it is like not be depressed. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, I feel helpless, and useless, and sometimes cannot make myself move. However, when I am not depressed I almost can’t remember what it was like when I was depressed. You see? It’s difficult to explain.

I will truly miss Robin Williams. The news of his death last night struck a chord with me and I was very sad, very quiet, very solemn. I cannot say that I know what he was feeling, because everyone’s depression is different, but I can say that I can relate. He was not a coward for taking his own life, if that is in fact what happened. He was not trying to hurt those that he left behind. He was trying to find a way out of a dark depression. Maybe, just maybe, he will finally have found peace. Rest in peace, Robin Williams. I will miss you.